Once upon a time, there was a year from hell. Some people made memes about it, some people chose to block it from their memory through excessive ingestion of substances and online television, and still other people honored it by creating this magical trailer. Whatever your coping mechanism, 2016, like food poisoning and shitty relationships, ran its course, and we are rocking into an even-keeled start of this odd-numbered year. Of course, this is all a farce – after all, a racist misogynist was “elected” president, but we have 16 days left to pretend that 2017 is going to be, like, amazing.
In unrelated news, it appears that Grey’s Anatomy, the only show on TV to have seventeen plane crashes in thirteen seasons, is still running. I assume that in 2061, Meredith’s great-grandchild will have become surgeon, and will ultimately be in the OR when the famous Dr. Grey II is brought in with her 9th heart attack to die on the table. At this point, our screens will be fully interactive, and blood will explode into our living rooms.
But 2017. New year, new you. I mean that. Because I’m good with myself. It’s you I have the problem with. Seriously. I voted for Hillary. I ran the NYC marathon. I am employed. But you? You gotta get your shit together.