Cruelty Analysis in the First Degree

  When I was a little girl, or at least a less old adult, I decided to start a blog. I just fact checked the exact dates of the blog beginning, and it was July of 2010. Assumedly, a birthday had just passed (the 24th) and I was feeling, as the kids say, a certain…

Belated V-Day Post: Hallmark of Modernity!

Damn, have there been a lotta things to hate lately! The weather, the MTA, the Russians, the MTA, deBlasio (because you were such an ingenue your first weeks of work, shorting the circuit on the coffee maker and addressing the trans receptionist as He!), the weather. February is traditionally the month in which people, New…

Man-splaining, and Intellect

After my superintendent-induced tragedy and resulting diatribe on Friday evening, I did indeed end up going out on the town. One of my roommates was having a thing in Murray Hill, and though the neighborhood is the antithesis of everything I love (seriously – has anyone ever actually met a young professional? Who are these…

Why I Won’t Stay In Tonight

As you may or may not know, a large part of my November and December was tainted by the fact that my upstairs neighbors are assholes, and were doing a bunch of things with water that led to my ceiling caving in on a regular basis. I’d come home from school or work to find…

I’ve Got the Golden Ticket…Now What?

There’s always something jolting about stumbling upon memorabilia from a past relationship, no matter how ill-fated an affair it may have been. Cleaning the fridge and finding the bottle of Moet you’d bought for the never-attained two-year anniversary; going through stacks of papers and seeing a business card from the bar where you had your…

It’s Valentine’s Day!

I seriously love holidays, and Valentine’s Day is no exception. First off, there’s holiday-specific candy, and if there’s one thing I love more than eggrolls, Chiapas, and oral sex combined, it’s red and pink Nerds Ropes. Second of all, adults act like children and are transformed from faceless douchebags to cute specimens of humanity with…

Oh, February! How Thou Art Cold! (Update)

This blog had two hits yesterday: One in the United States and one in Saudi Arabia. This is sad for two reasons. First of all, two people read my blog yesterday (thought since the last post was written over a month ago, I suppose I can’t expect miracles). Secondly, I’m probably now barred from entering…

2013: Let’s Go.

FELIZ ANO NUEVO! BONNE ANNEE! HAPPY NEW YEAR! What the hell? I’ve written and rewritten and deleted thirteen different paragraphs in which I attempted to introduce my New Year’s Resolutions for Two Thousand and Thirteen in a Magical Way. They all kind of suck. So Fuck It: Here are my New Year’s Resolutions. 0) Don’t…

My Paper’s Due in 6 Hours and I Haven’t Read the Book

So I’m texting back and forth with a friend of mine, and she said something that prompted me to say: “No! Don’t tell me! I’ll guess.” I guessed. The message went through. What if it’s correct? I thought. What if I guessed the 100% right answer to her obscure statement, and I can actually read…

Twist and Yelp! Yeah, Baby: Sex in the Internet Age

(NB: This is the last sucio blog ever. I need to broaden my horizons.) I would like to expand upon my post from yesterday regarding Yelp! I didn’t mean to insinuate that the exchange of information is a negative thing. Rather, as a writing student, I’m definitely all about transmission of words and opinions. I…

Deliberations on Dating for a Thursday Morn

We were talking recently about dating in all its glorious and various forms: Good dates, bad dates, blind dates, dates with no legs, and, of course, the innumerable awkward dates we’re forced to observe as civil servants of the greater NY-area dining community. See, when you work in a restaurant, you become an unwillingly minor…