On Mediocrity 2 (Belated Post from Nights of Yore)

Here are some synonyms for mediocrity: Ordinary, average, middling, middle-of-the-road, uninspired, undistinguished, indifferent, unexceptional, unexciting, unremarkable, run-of-the-mill, pedestrian, prosaic, lackluster, forgettable, amateur, and, my personal favorite, amateurish. Not even good enough to be a full-on amateur! You got the -ish tagged on! A man who weighed 500 pounds, lost 200, and is able to complete…

Country Roads, Take Me…Far

“Just so you know, sir, these are Beiber nuts. From the Beiber animal. I just want you to know in case you have an allergy or something.” The Muffin Man, who didn’t seem to speak English, nodded slightly, and squinted. I, who do speak English but still didn’t understand, also nodded and squinted. “That’ll be…

On Graduating

When I first thought about attending the commencement ceremony, my instinct was: “Why the fuck would I do that?” When I asked my friends, the general consensus was: “I mean, it’s not like it’s Columbia…it’s an MFA from CCNY. Like, WTF.” It’s common knowledge that getting an MFA at City College is as hard as hailing a gypsy…

A Few Rules in a Rule-Less Realm

Don’t be a douche: Hold the damn door, get up for people on the subway, if you bump into someone, apologize, tip well, and for the love of god, if someone talks to you, answer them, even if you hate them, because nothing is more infuriating or depressing that not being acknowledged. That said, if…

Belated V-Day Post: Hallmark of Modernity!

Damn, have there been a lotta things to hate lately! The weather, the MTA, the Russians, the MTA, deBlasio (because you were such an ingenue your first weeks of work, shorting the circuit on the coffee maker and addressing the trans receptionist as He!), the weather. February is traditionally the month in which people, New…

Polar Vortex

A good time this is not for the people of New York. The general mood of the city is pretty consistent with the temperature: Frigid, terrible, and seemingly endless. Informal research conducted during my heat outage let me know that a decent number of people are, or have been in recent days, without heat; there…