A Savage End: Love Story

Last September, while taking a break from simpering panels about how to use Twitter to become a famous writer at the Slice Literary Conference, I bought a copy of Los Detectives Salvajes, by Roberto Bolaño. It was on display in the Spanish section in Court Street Books, and I was feeling not only intellectual but inspired to support local bookstores. I leafed…

What I Learned

21 hours is a long time to spend in the airport, especially without a phone, computer, or cigarette. After nearly two life-altering weeks in Israel, though, it wasn’t a wholly unwelcome occurrence. 10 days of physically, spiritually, and emotionally explosive experiences shared with different planes of yourself as well as with nearly 50 other people…

It’s Valentine’s Day!

I seriously love holidays, and Valentine’s Day is no exception. First off, there’s holiday-specific candy, and if there’s one thing I love more than eggrolls, Chiapas, and oral sex combined, it’s red and pink Nerds Ropes. Second of all, adults act like children and are transformed from faceless douchebags to cute specimens of humanity with…

2013: Let’s Go.

FELIZ ANO NUEVO! BONNE ANNEE! HAPPY NEW YEAR! What the hell? I’ve written and rewritten and deleted thirteen different paragraphs in which I attempted to introduce my New Year’s Resolutions for Two Thousand and Thirteen in a Magical Way. They all kind of suck. So Fuck It: Here are my New Year’s Resolutions. 0) Don’t…

My Paper’s Due in 6 Hours and I Haven’t Read the Book

So I’m texting back and forth with a friend of mine, and she said something that prompted me to say: “No! Don’t tell me! I’ll guess.” I guessed. The message went through. What if it’s correct? I thought. What if I guessed the 100% right answer to her obscure statement, and I can actually read…

Post-Hurricane Special: Depression Sans Darkness

(NB: Before you start reading, know that his blog bottoms out at 2678 words. It’s not a short one. Just so you know. But read it.) At 5:03, I finally broke down and bought my first restaurant meal since Friday, when I got wasted by myself in the Sidewalk Cafe eating Buffalo Wings. I’d been…

“I’m A Very Good Driver”: On Women and Retards

I started reading this insane book yesterday called Born on a Blue Day, a memoir written by Daniel Tammet, a British man with Asberger’s syndrome, savant syndrome, and synesthesia. To get an idea of how the mind of this guy works, and how bizarre of a reading experience the book itself is, here’s a quote…

Deliberations on Dating for a Thursday Morn

We were talking recently about dating in all its glorious and various forms: Good dates, bad dates, blind dates, dates with no legs, and, of course, the innumerable awkward dates we’re forced to observe as civil servants of the greater NY-area dining community. See, when you work in a restaurant, you become an unwillingly minor…

Catch Up #1: The Final Countdown

After returning from Veracruz, I had 4.5 days left in Mexico, and a couple thousand pesos. The wise thing to do would have been to live as frugally as possible, convert the pesos into dollars, and save myself the awful situation of having to lock myself in my house until I start working on Easter…

Post V-Day Special: Not-So-Sola Traveler

First of all, an Extended Vacation Update: After two days in Antigua, I found that the charming architecture and cool people I’d met didn’t outweigh the offensive slew of Spanish-learning foreigners/non-itinerant itinerants that plague the uber-colonial city so I shuttle-bussed to San Pedro La Laguna, one of 12 villages nestled into the landscape around the…

BF Guest Blog: Mutual Interests

If you’re lucky, after a relationship’s rocky period comes the storm after the calm after the storm. You have retarded quantities of sex because you remember why you fell in lust love in the first place. You realize you’d become lax and that nights of beer and movies, though enjoyable, are not the building blocks of true…