Dorothy was Stupid

Kansas. Really? We've spent the last seven hours driving on the same flat godforsaken highway, by far the most boring stretch of land in the entire world. No hills, no trees, eight houses total. Just wind turbines, dry grass, and the occasional cow. Seriously, though - what the fuck do people do here? I don't... Continue Reading →



When I think of Missouri, I think of racist lunatics, murderous thugs, inbred meanies, and high-pitched voices. I can't explain why. It's just a feeling. I was surprised, then, to take three pictures in the state of Missouri that were very nice. Here they are. Sunrise over the St. Louis Amtrak/Greyhound station, taken through stained... Continue Reading →

Yelp Me! I’m on a Bus!

As everyone knows, Yelp and other review sites spew lies created by irate individuals after a miserable experience probably due, in part, to their incomprehension of rules or refusal to listen to instructions. However, on Tuesday night, I had utterly convinced myself that I'd be murdered before Topeka, and covered in semen shortly thereafter. To... Continue Reading →

Country Roads, Take Me…Far

"Just so you know, sir, these are Beiber nuts. From the Beiber animal. I just want you to know in case you have an allergy or something." The Muffin Man, who didn't seem to speak English, nodded slightly, and squinted. I, who do speak English but still didn't understand, also nodded and squinted. "That'll be... Continue Reading →

The Super Bowl

First of all, Bill de Blasio dropped the groundhog today. He couldn't move to see his shadow, so apparently in six weeks we're having the apocalypse. Anyway, on Friday night, there was a Bronco at my job. Not the animal, although that, to me, would have been far more interesting, but a member of the... Continue Reading →

Catch Up #1: The Final Countdown

After returning from Veracruz, I had 4.5 days left in Mexico, and a couple thousand pesos. The wise thing to do would have been to live as frugally as possible, convert the pesos into dollars, and save myself the awful situation of having to lock myself in my house until I start working on Easter... Continue Reading →

One-Track Mind (Last Time, I Swear)

The last few weeks have been devoted to figuring out, What's the issue? My job? The country? Homesickness? Cash flow problems? MY "IN-LAWS"? The Virgin of Guadalupe BS? My semi-long-distance relationship? My inability to eat vegetables or exercise or stop smoking? Yes, it's been a psycho-emotioneo-spiritu-ofessional trajectory this here disturbingly warm November. With the long... Continue Reading →

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