I’ve Got the Golden Ticket…Now What?

There’s always something jolting about stumbling upon memorabilia from a past relationship, no matter how ill-fated an affair it may have been. Cleaning the fridge and finding the bottle of Moet you’d bought for the never-attained two-year anniversary; going through stacks of papers and seeing a business card from the bar where you had your…

Oh, February! How Thou Art Cold! (Update)

This blog had two hits yesterday: One in the United States and one in Saudi Arabia. This is sad for two reasons. First of all, two people read my blog yesterday (thought since the last post was written over a month ago, I suppose I can’t expect miracles). Secondly, I’m probably now barred from entering…

Post-Hurricane Special: Depression Sans Darkness

(NB: Before you start reading, know that his blog bottoms out at 2678 words. It’s not a short one. Just so you know. But read it.) At 5:03, I finally broke down and bought my first restaurant meal since Friday, when I got wasted by myself in the Sidewalk Cafe eating Buffalo Wings. I’d been…

Build It Up; Tear It Down: The Cathartic Cock

So I’m in grad school, as you may or may not know, doing an MFA in Creative Writing. I’m taking three classes, two of which are ridiculously obscure literature classes (Women’s Experimental Poetry and Modernist Moments) and one is a fiction writing workshop (Fiction Writing Workshop). Grad school is underwhelming: Each class meets for less…

Adaptation

I have spent this whole entire day trying to thing of SOMEthing about which to blog. Eating Magic Cookies, though enjoyable to me physically and personally, doesn’t lead to anything worthy of inscription on the InterWeb; rather, it makes me a lazy fuck who has torn through one and a half seasons of The Office…

A Musing Re: Old Men

A friend once told me that my taste in men is as follows: Line up a bunch of guys, pick the one that looks the most homeless, and that’s my dream date. I don’t necessarily agree with this sentiment, though I do concede that I exercise a preference towards a smarmy-looking gent. Overall, though, I…

Full-On Bitch Fest

(NB: I usually try to have some rhyme, reason, rhythm, or rationale to these posts, but this is just a hardcore cathartic rant. Read at own risk.) It is now Tuesday, the 15th of November, 2011. I started working on Monday, July 4th, 2011. The fact that the job began on a day I would…

Just Another Fucked-Up Friday

So now that my romantic life is back on track, at least for the next hour or until another slutty bitch writes something salacious and suggestive on his wall and I have a jealousy crisis that turns out to be reasonable (yes, writing drunk, and nope, still not over it), I have plenty of time…

Love, Sex, and Writing Blogs

Remember two days ago when I made this whole brazen claim about how I was going to write a sex blog? I fucking can’t do it, and I am just sick about it. I’ve always viewed sex like that old Pringles commercial: Once you pop, you just can’t stop. I was a late bloomer in…

Meta: Blog Analysis

So I’m attempting to be writerly and post one post per day for the entire month of September provided I remember, as my posting tendencies have a tendency to be saturated and surly like a sponge doll with a bad attitude come to life from a spell. Spelling is of top priority and I give…

Roommate Rant #1: How Gross is Too Gross?

Some people may argue that when you have a group of people living in a given area, dirtiness is inevitable. This is utterly false. The cleanliness of a space is 100% dependent on the people residing in it. For example, my family of six lived in a normal-sized house and, while occasionally four kids worth…

The Silver Years: Celebrating 25 of Years of (My) Existence.

(**Birthday Post delivered three days after the fact due to alcohol and orgasm-induced hangovers and general sense of lethargy. I’m old now so I can say whatever I want.**) So last Thursday, which incidentally marked 25 years of my terrestrial existence, I had to work. Whatever. I was born in July, which means since the…