In For a Rude Awakening

So it’s been quite the home-coming to Puebla, pun intended. Though even after over a year of being in a relationship I remain a staunch supporter of single life and a firm opposed of people under thirty being in serious liaisons, there is something to be said for having a penis at your constant disposal,…

One-Track Mind (Last Time, I Swear)

The last few weeks have been devoted to figuring out, What’s the issue? My job? The country? Homesickness? Cash flow problems? MY “IN-LAWS”? The Virgin of Guadalupe BS? My semi-long-distance relationship? My inability to eat vegetables or exercise or stop smoking? Yes, it’s been a psycho-emotioneo-spiritu-ofessional trajectory this here disturbingly warm November. With the long…

Full-On Bitch Fest

(NB: I usually try to have some rhyme, reason, rhythm, or rationale to these posts, but this is just a hardcore cathartic rant. Read at own risk.) It is now Tuesday, the 15th of November, 2011. I started working on Monday, July 4th, 2011. The fact that the job began on a day I would…

Update Part IV: Mirreyes, Maids, and **Mortality**

There have been two times in my life that I’ve been certain I was going to die. One was on an airplane, and I was having a graphic and realistic dream in which I was in an airplane and it was going to crash. It was to be a crash into the ocean, which was…

FML: Frigid Friday

I’ve had a pretty good week. My commutes weren’t too traumatic save for a whole bunch of blood on the 2 train and a guy following me asking my name in Tacubaya (at least he was using “usted”), my outfits were well-planned and conducive to positive emotions and a regulated body temperature while teaching, and…

Meta: Blog Analysis

So I’m attempting to be writerly and post one post per day for the entire month of September provided I remember, as my posting tendencies have a tendency to be saturated and surly like a sponge doll with a bad attitude come to life from a spell. Spelling is of top priority and I give…

Roommate Rant #1: How Gross is Too Gross?

Some people may argue that when you have a group of people living in a given area, dirtiness is inevitable. This is utterly false. The cleanliness of a space is 100% dependent on the people residing in it. For example, my family of six lived in a normal-sized house and, while occasionally four kids worth…

Written in Defense of AntiSocial Behaviors

About a year and a half ago I was in a cab crossing 23rd Street with two friends. We were mildly merry and chatting quite freely about fisting or oral, something in the V area, puctuating the disourse with the obligatory shrieks and squeals associated with drunk damsels discussing dirtily. Our cab driver drove stoically…

It’s Not the Heat, It’s the Fucking Transfers

My average work day has me stumbling out my front door by 7 am and hobbling back in around 11 pm. 5 to six of these 16 hours are actually spent disseminating English into the minds of my students; the other 11 waft away in transit and Starbucks, the occasional run back home to shower,…

A (C) Damper Afternoon

When was in college, I worked as a sales associate at Abercrombie and Fitch. Besides the crotch-ripping tight denim and the asphyxiating clouds of Fierce pumped into the air, another perk of the job was location. Being on 56th and 5th meant I could stroll to Central Park, eat awesome Halal from street carts, and,…

A Note Re: Aguas Frescas

I was walking in the metro last week when I saw a Third World Fail: A man’s bag of juice had unadvertenly been punctured by the straw, causing the ambrosial agua to trickle out in spurts. By the time I decided to avert him of the asunto (not out of kindness but annoyance a.k.a when…

If Semen Was Wishes Then Hookers Would Ride

When faced with the choice of sweet or savory, I almost always opt for the latter. I’m a slave to Doritos, Cheetos, and any other artificially orange corn-based chippy product. I don’t delve into the Dove bars to downplay my depression but rather cheese, pastas, and cured meats. However, on the birthday, pastries are mandatory,…