In Which I Forget New York is Superior to EVERYwhere

When the plane touched town in Aeropuerto Benito Juarez last Saturday, that familiar sensation that accompanies anyone traveling ran through my body like the orgasm I did not have in the plane bathroom (Mile High Club attempt THWARTED by the fact that I slept through the entire flight! Thwarted! Angry!). It’s that shimmery shudder of…

Just Another Fucked-Up Friday

So now that my romantic life is back on track, at least for the next hour or until another slutty bitch writes something salacious and suggestive on his wall and I have a jealousy crisis that turns out to be reasonable (yes, writing drunk, and nope, still not over it), I have plenty of time…

Breakup Special Part I: Objective Facts

After four months of being in a relationship with a certain Veracruzano, I went on a nearly month-long jaunt around the Carribean – Mexico and Belize. The future of said relationship was at this point in time, uncertain. Though the love was indeed there, the future was completely up in the air. I was to…

Mi Querida: Vete a la Verga

Living in a different country means you’re exposed to cultural differences. In Mexico, for example, eyes are not just for putting behind sunglasses and making a connection with a hot ass but for human consumption. Lateness is not shunned but welcomed. Clipping your nails on the street it not a disgusting breach of human decency…

Update Part IV: Mirreyes, Maids, and **Mortality**

There have been two times in my life that I’ve been certain I was going to die. One was on an airplane, and I was having a graphic and realistic dream in which I was in an airplane and it was going to crash. It was to be a crash into the ocean, which was…

Update Part III: Mirreyes, **Maids**, y La Mortalidad

I tend to have a strong stomach, but there are several things that disgust me. Other people’s vomit is one. People who suck getting to live in Europe is another. And people with maids is the third. Most people have this idea that the more money you make, the bigger your house should be. I…

Bicentenario + 1: Part I

So for anyone who still doesn’t get it, the true Mexican independence day is the 15th of September at 00:00, meaning that the 16th is the holiday. Though I spent my bridge (puente a.k.a. vacation a.k.a. the funniest translation mistake my students have ever heard judging by last week’s commentary) in Guanajuato with the BF,…

A Quick Card In Favor of Cunnilingus

Everyone loves eating out. Restaurants are scientifically proven to produce better food than that which is churned out in your own personal kitchen. I am no exception. Ever since I started making money, I’ve generally spent it in eateries, delicatessens, candy stores, cafes, and Whole Foods. When I got older, the cash started going to…

In Vino Veritas?

So last night, with the weekend drawing to a close, and the Twisted Sisters having a Simon and Garfunkel-tinted Be-In for the fourth night in a row, I decided that alcohol was necessary. I threw a hoodie on and trudged through the rain to the prison bar liquor store, where you have to order through…

Roommate Rant #3: The Invasion of the Chapulines!

While I may do a lot of complaining, I do try to be more than just talk. I am a firm believer in reaching for dreams, being a go-getter, generally jumping through hoops to fulfill farfetched fantasies. Last weekend, the BF and I decided to take a “romantic” stroll up to the Iglesia de los…