This Blog Post Will Change Your Life

Cliff’s Notes for “A Wednesday Evening Blog Post by Me”: I’ve written a blog. The first paragraph will have you doubting your own writing skills and ability to take the tools provided by the English language and craft heavenly prose. The third sentence in the second paragraph will have you donating the majority of the insulation…

Why I Won’t Stay In Tonight

As you may or may not know, a large part of my November and December was tainted by the fact that my upstairs neighbors are assholes, and were doing a bunch of things with water that led to my ceiling caving in on a regular basis. I’d come home from school or work to find…

I’ve Got the Golden Ticket…Now What?

There’s always something jolting about stumbling upon memorabilia from a past relationship, no matter how ill-fated an affair it may have been. Cleaning the fridge and finding the bottle of Moet you’d bought for the never-attained two-year anniversary; going through stacks of papers and seeing a business card from the bar where you had your…

Twist and Yelp! Yeah, Baby: Sex in the Internet Age

(NB: This is the last sucio blog ever. I need to broaden my horizons.) I would like to expand upon my post from yesterday regarding Yelp! I didn’t mean to insinuate that the exchange of information is a negative thing. Rather, as a writing student, I’m definitely all about transmission of words and opinions. I…

Deliberations on Dating for a Thursday Morn

We were talking recently about dating in all its glorious and various forms: Good dates, bad dates, blind dates, dates with no legs, and, of course, the innumerable awkward dates we’re forced to observe as civil servants of the greater NY-area dining community. See, when you work in a restaurant, you become an unwillingly minor…

No Hot Girls, Or Why I Hate American Boys

If you told me I had one meal left before an imminent demise, there would be a zero percent chance of the last thing going down my throat being a USDA Approved Grade A Beef Patty with ketchup, mustard, and some crispy Freedom Fries. I don’t generally eat “American” food, but rather try to keep…

Love, Sex, and Writing Blogs

Remember two days ago when I made this whole brazen claim about how I was going to write a sex blog? I fucking can’t do it, and I am just sick about it. I’ve always viewed sex like that old Pringles commercial: Once you pop, you just can’t stop. I was a late bloomer in…

Meta: Blog Analysis

So I’m attempting to be writerly and post one post per day for the entire month of September provided I remember, as my posting tendencies have a tendency to be saturated and surly like a sponge doll with a bad attitude come to life from a spell. Spelling is of top priority and I give…

The Engagement Blowjob

I’m on vacation! (Again? Yes. Envy me.) This recent wave of tranquility has made me realize that I’ve been so busy criticizing my fellow Americans, tearing up Mexicans’ poor sense of style (Converse in the Angelopolis Luxury Hall: need I say more?), and waxing poetic about my novio that I’ve forgotten to write about my…

High Fidelity: Anniversary Special

I have been in a relationship, both on FaceBook and in life, for no more or less than three months. As I am mercurial on a good day, irascible on average, and, above all, prone to avoiding starry-eyed stratagem, this is kind of a big deal. Yes, I’ve cried Love before. Amor, Amour, and one…

Stay Gold, Ponyboy

I signed onto the admin page of my blog this morning and saw that I had almost 100 views before one o clock. Wow! I thought. People really care about the fact that I quit smoking. It wasn’t till I moved the cursor over the bar graph that I saw the words: “9 views: APRIL…